Before the break of dawn...

As I was attempting to sleep in my room (more like resting uncomfortably), a nurse came in with a wheelchair. She told me that I needed to get up and go to the NICU. I'll never forget the look on her face. Such sorrow, such anguish... that she was the one on duty that night and would have to wheel me down to hear the words that every mother dreads hearing. She gave me a pill for pain saying that I would need it. I asked her if someone had called my husband and they had. Guilt overcame me as I sent him home the night before to go see Lord of the Rings Return of the King with my oldest son. I put on my robe, sat in the wheelchair and was quickly taken to the NICU where I was met by another nurse. The NICU nurse had me wash my hands and then wheeled me to my baby Robbie. Robbie was surronded by a NeoNatologist, 3 nurses, 2 interns and now me. He was still on the ventilator. No one had to say a thing... I knew... he .. my precious little baby... wasn't going to make it. This was going to be the last time I would ever see him alive. When I close my eyes I can still see the ventilator pumping his chest with air, the blood in the tube coming out of his mouth and his body lying so still that you just knew that he wasn't there anymore. At that moment, Don was behind me. I'm still not sure if he was holding me up or I was holding him up. I think we were supporting one another or that God was holding both of us up. After hearing the report... pulminary hemorage, no chance of recovery, would never survive without that ventilator pumping into his chest... we moved into the hallway to 'talk' about what we were going to do. We knew what to do... we just needed a moment to 'process' what was happening to our baby. Questions filling our minds and all we could do was cry in one anothers arms. After a few minutes we went back in and told the staff that we did not want him in any pain! They quickly gave him some more morphine and retrieve a couple chairs for us. We then sat next to him as they disconnected the ventilator and removed him from some of his apparatus'. Once off the ventilator, we were able to hold him. I so longed to hold him ... to feel him in my arms ... to let him feel the warmth from my body against him... for him to feel my heart beat even though it was aching for him... aching for him to live! To see him grow up into a handsome man ... that will never be. We did say a word. We just held him and cried. We cried so much that our eyes burned.. but we couldn't stop. The chaplin came in and we baptised him, prayed over him and shortly after 4 am our precious little Robbert Josef passed. He would no longer feel pain. Now he is alive only in our hearts. We will never forget his short life of barely 2 days. Hubby has since put a 'mark' on his arm.. a tattoo of an angel holding a baby with Robbies name. His comment, I am scared on the inside, why not be scared on the outside as well. I too have put a mark on my body... my backside... with his name and a halo along with my 3 other boys. So no matter what happens, I will have them with me always. I pray that no mother ever has to bury her child but if you happen too, God will be there for you. He will get you through it. I can attest to that ... as there is NO WAY that Don and I could have gotton through it without Him to carry us. My Dad tried to explain to me why Robbie died... and I can't help but think that maybe it is true... what he said was... I think that God knew that you would not be capable of handling loosing a baby so that was why he gave you two... one for you and one for Him. I'd like to think that He thought that much of me.

March of Dimes

Not to go off topic.. but today I am. This is my 4th year in participating in the March of Dimes, March for Babies. This foundation is near and dear to my heart. On March 5, 2004 I gave birth to twin boys! They were beautiful! But, they came 13 weeks early. When I was told that I was pregnant with twin boys I was scared and excited. It was a childhood dream come true but the thought of raising twin boys ... well, I had 2 already and was well aware of the trouble boys can find much less doubling that! That excitement quickly turned to fear when I was told that I was having preterm labor. My doctor quickly put me on bed rest and prescribed a muscle relaxer to try to stop the contractions. It didn't work. I was hospitalized at 26 weeks gestation and the twins were delivered by c-section at 27 weeks. They had a long fight ahead of them. Robbie was born first and was already trying to breathe on his own, Tommy on the other hand... he was having a tough time. The doctors were shocked by how big the boys were for 27 weeks. Robbie was 2#5oz. Tommy was 2#3.8oz. Both were quickly ventilated and set-up with IV lines that would provide them with their nourishment and medications throughout their hospitalization. I was only able to see them for a quick glance as they were whisked away by the many doctors and nurses that would tend to their needs. I was not used to this... they were supposed to be born and put into my arms! Not this time... this time I was not able to hold them. Not able to kiss them and say happy birthday! My babies were sick. Very sick! Their very survival now rested with the Doctors in the NICU. I was quickly stitched up and sent to the recovery room. The one place I did not want to go... I wanted to be with my babies. I wanted them to know that I was there and that they were in good hands. After my recovery time was done, I was taken to my room where I quickly started bugging the nurses to let me go see my babies. After a few hours, that time came. A wheelchair was brought into my room and I was helped into it and wheeled down to the NICU. They boys weren't even next to each other. They were in two separate pods. I had a very bad feeling but held onto my prayers that they would be fine. I was not allowed to touch them as I was told that it was very painful for them at this time. I was only able to talk to them and let them know I was there and how much I loved them. After a few minutes they took me back to my room so I could get some rest and get the necessary recovery time that I needed. However, that would not last. The next day would prove to be the hardest day in my life!

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What about my face?

Tonight I was at a party and a couple of guests pointed out that I do not have wrinkles on my forward. They were then surprised to hear my age! My best advise that I can give is to take care of your skin ESPECIALLY your face! It is the only one you'll get! Whatever product you use, Mary Kay, Cinique, Oil of Olay, Neutregena, whatever... wash and moisturize your face in the morning and at night! It is equally important to wash at night as it is in the morning. Think of it this way... everything from the day, the pollution in the air, the makeup on your face, the Kleenex you used to blow your nose, remains on your face until you wash it off. If you do not wash your face before you put your head on that nice comfy pillow you have just put all of that stuff onto your pillow case. And then you rub your face all over it over and over until you wash your pillow case. Now aren't you grossed out? So ladies... wash your face before you go to bed and again the morning. Want a good eye make-up remover... baby oil! It's cheap, effective and it moisturizes your eyes (which will help prevent crows feet)!

Alright ladies, I'm off to wash my face and get ready for bed.

BeautiControl January Speicals!

Welcome 2009 by treating yourself, your friends and your family to a BC Spa!

2009 brings great gifts for the BC Spa hostess! By hosting a spa during January and February, you will receive…

• 40% OFF your Skinlogics Facial Maintenance line, or the Show of Hands set, or the Save Your Sole set, or any spa body product line or any Beauti make-up set!
  
• And, a FREE Warming Neck Wrap
  
• And, FREE products of your choice when you have 2 bookings
  
• And, a FREE gift from me.

Additionally, if you have a $500 spa party with 2 bookings you will receive

• $75 in FREE spa products
  
• And, FREE Extreme Repair Hand Therapy
  
• And, FREE Show of Hands Cuticle Oil Pen
  
• And, FREE Show of Hands Buffing Crème
  
• And, FREE Spa Brown Sugar Cologne!!!!

With all those benefits for just hosting a spa party, why wouldn’t you book your party today?

BeautiControl has some fantastic NEW products for 2009! The products new for 2009 are….

• Regeneration Overnight Retinol Recovery Serum - $45
• Regeneration Overnight Retinol Recovery Eye Capsules - $39.50

(Retinol has been proven to be the only thing to reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles!)

• Therma del Sol Apothecary Love Collection (a unique wellness complex that promotes an overall feeling of well-being. It contains a blend of essential oils that include patchouli, sandalwood and lavender that arouse the senses, kindling feelings of romance and sensuality

• Love Body Wash - $18.50
• Love Body Lotion - $18.50
• Love Warming Massage Oil - $18.50
• Love Gift Basket (includes all of the above and a heart-shaped wooden massager in a shrink-wrapped basket) A great gift for Valentines Day! - $55.50

Better yet, do you want to receive all YOUR spa products at a DICSOUNT? Sign up today for $125 and you will receive over $500 in spa products, a full day of training, online training, training for your recruiter (me) and from our Unit Director, Great selling tools, FREE Webpage for 6 months, online tools to connect with your clients, literature, FREE products, jewelry, trips and so much more! Contact me today to sign up!

I hope that 2009 brings you laughter, relaxation, refreshment and renewal!

Have a SPAAAA RIFIC Year!